Monday, August 20, 2007

Broke, desperate, scared

On Friday my friend, who moved away a few months back, called me and told me she was coming through town and could she sleep on my couch. I was so excited, and not only because I wouldn't have to mail her her shawl that I borrowed and my shoes that I never wear (they are high-heeled) that she loves.

My to-do list is stuck at filing papers. I don't want to do this much needed task, and so I ignore all tasks below it on the list as well. The papers are over a year's worth and are stacked neatly in my closet, well they were neat until my cat decided to make a nest of them. But, her things were a victim of my ignoring the fact that I had anything to-do, as I didn't want to do the next thing on the list. Now, though, now she could just pick them up! Thereby completing a task without having to surface from my denial of having anything to do.

She was driving into town from a few states over on her way to pick up her son from his father's house, which was still a state away. He goes there three times a year for 2.5 weeks. When she arrived she used my internet to check her bank account, as she needed to ensure that her child support payments came in. Guess what? They didn't. Her babydaddy is such a scum face, that any time he knows that she has large expenses he decides to not pay, or pay late. The last time this happened was when he served her with papers, during her finals, which necessitated that she drop out of school to spend her financial aid on lawyers. Yes! She eventually had to move back home (to live in a family members vacant house) because she could not afford both lawyers and rent.

He eventually didn't really get much from the process, but probably spent over $10,000, so he is upset. He decides to take this out on her by withholding money, and fucking with his kids mind. What a dad!

Anyway, she had to make it to there the next day, or be in contempt of court, but had no money for gas. I have no money, none, let alone the couple hundred dollars in gas money she would need. Do you know, internet, the hopelessness, the powerlessness that comes along with being so broke and so desperate? Powerlessness is part of what makes me so angry, internet. It's the injustice that wants to burst from my body and make some impact, but can't.

She decided to hitchhike there, leaving at night without a cell phone, without a weapon, alone. I was trying to get her stay and figure something out, but she only had a 17 hours to make a 10 hour trip to use some bus tickets she had. She knew the longer she waited the less likely that she made it, and she knew that I couldn’t really raise the funds.

I was bicycling home from a fundraiser I was helping with, with the TT in tow in her trailer, thinking that I had to trust the world. I had to trust that the world would be safe for this small, determined, beautiful, desperate woman, and I really couldn't. I was hoping, and wishing, but not trusting.

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