Feminism

Last night I went drinking with a good friend. I drink about once a month, and when I do, I mean business. By business I mean I drink about three or four liquor drinks. Drinking this amount over the course of several hours seems moderate, but I always get drunk. The day after I get drunk I always feel sinful. Feeling sinful is a weird feeling, full of remorse and humility. Sinful is also something that I usually don't feel, although according to Christians, sinning is something I do quite a bit. For starters there's all the sex. I have had quite a bit of sex, and never been married (not even for a day). I swear quite a bit, taking the lord's name in vain with a frequency that makes Jesus a word my daughter correlates with dropping something, or some other such blunder. I shit talk my mom. I think that's it for the ten commandments, although I guess I covet sometimes, but actually I'm going to look up the exact definition right now.

Here's what I got:

1.	to desire wrongfully, inordinately, or without due regard for the rights of others: to covet another's property.

2.	to wish for, esp. eagerly: He won the prize they all coveted.

–verb (used without object)

3.	to have an inordinate or wrongful desire.

I guess I do number 2 sometimes. Who decides if the desire is wrong, though? God, I guess. As for the seven deadly sins, I'm not quite sure that I know them all, but am fairly certain that I am guilty of them all at some time or another. Fortunately, my view of god is much different from this view, which leads me not feeling sinful most of the time, except when I drink or drive somewhere I should've ridden my bike.

I have gotten completely off point, though. My point was feminism. My friend and I got into a lengthy argument about an issue that affects an organization that we both belong to. We agreed with the larger issue, being prochoice. We strongly disagreed with the way the organization handled a man's (and here I use man, when really boy would work better, but he is physically an adult) listserve outburst about being antichoice. We censured him in a meeting. Not censor, okay? but censure:

–noun

1.	strong or vehement expression of disapproval: The newspapers were unanimous in their censure of the tax proposal.

2.	an official reprimand, as by a legislative body of one of its members.

–verb (used with object)

3.	to criticize or reproach in a harsh or vehement manner: She is more to be pitied than censured.

–verb (used without object)

4.	to give censure, adverse criticism, disapproval, or blame.

I think she thought that we were doing number 4, when I felt we were doing number 1. So she was empathizing with this guy, who said a pretty fucked up thing, because he came to the meeting to take his chops and he apologized. Later he acted like an asshole, and basically said that the method of what he said was incorrect, but not the nature.

We ended up having a long, drunken conversation which touched upon why people are indoctrinated to empathize with men, and not women, even when the man is the person who is in the wrong. This morning I realized, with some depression, that the patriarchy has very effectively counterorganized against feminists. Radical, liberal, and progressive people still have these male eyes to filter the world through, even if they're women. Yes, he made a mistake, some thought, but we can see ourselves there: saying misogynistic things. My reaction to his outburst was very upset. When people are antichoice, I feel like they are dismissing my whole existence, my reality. It is so difficult to be a poor, single parent. It is exhausting to the point of pain, and there is little social support. There is scorn and constant judgment. Forcing someone to live this life discounts my struggle, my choice. The people who were empathizing with this manbaby, did not show signs of empathizing with me. Nobody even acknowledged what I was saying. Some actually sighed, rolled their eyes, and brought up controversial, radical feminists for comparison.

This was the second feat of counterorganization: to discount any anger that a feminist has, and other her. As a feminist, I feel like I have to check my anger, or I will be put in the box, and put away. People won't listen to my arguments, because they think that they understand what's in the box, which is hatred of men (this isn't even close to my analysis). Which pissed me off. I should be able to be angry!

My friend thought that at an all women meeting, the feminists were going to basically bully all the women into a decision she didn't agree with. Which is the third point for patriarchy, to paint feminists as bullies who push their already made up agenda on all women.

Which isn't true. We wanted a meeting to give voice to all the women, to know their experiences in the organization.

Finally, my friend said that she was intimidated by women, and didn't really have many close women friends, because she didn't really like most of them. She hates female competition. Fair enough. There is no prize we're competing for. But, what a misogynistic society we have when radical women in it say things like they don't really like women (with a few exceptions). Which was the final blow to leave me stumbling home defeated.

N, if you are reading this, I'm sorry I pushed you and I would like to have another sober conversation because I love you and I love women and the organization.